In couples therapy, Sagittarius will spend the hour being brutally honest and calling it 'just keeping it real' while Aquarius is busy explaining why emotions are a social construct while you cry. The therapist will need their own therapist.

The jealousy in this pairing is a two-way street that's also on fire. Sagittarius will lose it because you suggested staying in on a Friday night, and Aquarius will retaliate because you understood a concept before they could explain it to you.

A Sagittarius vs Aquarius argument has the emotional complexity of a soap opera and the resolution speed of a government shutdown.

If you opened the Sagittarius-Aquarius group chat, you'd find Sagittarius sending you travel memes instead of responding to serious questions while Aquarius is sending you a 4-paragraph essay on humanity instead of saying 'I miss you'. This is a war crime in iMessage form.

Statistically, Sagittarius-Aquarius couples either last forever out of pure spite or implode spectacularly within six months. We made up this statistic but it feels right.

If this ends (when this ends), Sagittarius will handle it by ghosting you from a different continent. Aquarius will respond by explaining that monogamy is an outdated institution, then ghosting. Netflix is already optioning the rights.

The restaurant saga: Sagittarius handles dining by insisting on a place nobody's heard of and pretending the food poisoning was worth it. Aquarius contributes by insisting on a vegan place nobody wants to go to because 'it's the future'. Uber Eats has entered the chat for the third time this week.