In couples therapy, Virgo will spend the hour correcting your grammar mid-argument while Aquarius is busy explaining why emotions are a social construct while you cry. The therapist will need their own therapist.

Trust exercises are pointless here. Virgo will fall backward and Aquarius will be too busy being jealous that you understood a concept before they could explain it to you to catch them.

A Virgo vs Aquarius argument has the emotional complexity of a soap opera and the resolution speed of a government shutdown.

Virgo's texting style: proofreading every text three times and still finding a typo to stress about. Aquarius's texting style: sending you a 4-paragraph essay on humanity instead of saying 'I miss you'. Their chat history should be submitted as evidence.

Statistically, Virgo-Aquarius couples either last forever out of pure spite or implode spectacularly within six months. We made up this statistic but it feels right.

If this ends (when this ends), Virgo will handle it by leaving a detailed pros/cons list on the kitchen counter. Aquarius will respond by explaining that monogamy is an outdated institution, then ghosting. Netflix is already optioning the rights.

The restaurant saga: Virgo handles dining by reading every review before choosing and still being disappointed. Aquarius contributes by insisting on a vegan place nobody wants to go to because 'it's the future'. Uber Eats has entered the chat for the third time this week.