Cancer thinks talking louder means they're more right. Scorpio thinks staring into your soul until you confess things you didn't even do is a valid response. Neither of them is correct.

Cancer gets jealous when you didn't text back within 4 minutes. Scorpio gets jealous when you breathed in the general direction of another human. This relationship has the trust level of a Cold War spy exchange.

Cancer's go-to argument weapon is emotional guilt trips that could win an Oscar. Scorpio fights back with that secret you told them in confidence two years ago. Geneva Convention violations have been reported.

A forensic analysis of their texts would be a bestselling book. Chapter 1: Cancer sending 'I'm fine' followed by 14 paragraphs about why they're not fine. Chapter 2: Scorpio reading your messages instantly but replying hours later to establish dominance. Chapter 3: Mutual Destruction.

In 10 years, Cancer and Scorpio will either be insufferably in love or featured on a true crime podcast. There is no middle ground.

If this ends (when this ends), Cancer will handle it by writing a 3-page letter, burning it, then calling you sobbing at midnight. Scorpio will respond by blocking you on everything, moving to another city, and pretending you never existed. Netflix is already optioning the rights.

Trying to pick a restaurant with a Cancer and Scorpio is an extreme sport. Cancer will be saying 'I don't care where we eat' then vetoing everything while Scorpio will be ordering something mysterious and judging everything you reveal about yourself. You will both starve.