Capricorn thinks talking louder means they're more right. Pisces thinks communicating exclusively through song lyrics and vibes is a valid response. Neither of them is correct.

On a scale of 'chill' to 'hired a private investigator,' this combo sits at 'Capricorn saw you smile at a barista.' Pisces has already composed a breakup playlist.

Capricorn's go-to argument weapon is presenting a cost-benefit analysis of why they're right. Pisces fights back with manifesting the worst-case scenario and then acting like it already happened. Geneva Convention violations have been reported.

Their text thread reads like a psychological thriller. Capricorn is responding with 'per my last text' energy and Pisces is sending you poetry at 3am and being devastated if you respond with 'lol nice'. No one is winning. Everyone is typing.

Statistically, Capricorn-Pisces couples either last forever out of pure spite or implode spectacularly within six months. We made up this statistic but it feels right.

The Capricorn breakup playbook: sending a formal dissolution email with a 30-day transition plan. The Pisces counter-move: writing a song about you, releasing it, and hoping you figure it out. This is a breakup, not a chess match. Wait, no, it's both.

This couple's Yelp history is a crime scene. Capricorn: checking the prices before the menu and calculating the tip before ordering. Pisces: ordering based on the 'energy' of the dish and crying if it's bad. They've been banned from two Olive Gardens.