When conflict arises, Virgo will be correcting your grammar mid-argument and Scorpio will counter by staring into your soul until you confess things you didn't even do. Somewhere, a therapist just felt a disturbance in the force.

Virgo's jealousy is triggered when you organized the dishwasher wrong and someone else might have taught you that. Meanwhile, Scorpio spirals because you breathed in the general direction of another human. This is not a relationship, it's mutual surveillance.

Their argument style is best described as 'mutually assured emotional destruction.' Virgo goes nuclear with a mental PowerPoint presentation of everything you've ever done wrong and Scorpio responds in kind with that secret you told them in confidence two years ago.

A forensic analysis of their texts would be a bestselling book. Chapter 1: Virgo proofreading every text three times and still finding a typo to stress about. Chapter 2: Scorpio reading your messages instantly but replying hours later to establish dominance. Chapter 3: Mutual Destruction.

The future of this relationship looks like a choose-your-own-adventure book where every page ends in chaos. Virgo will optimize your relationship into perfection or optimize it into the ground and Scorpio ride or die literally -- there is no casual option.

Post-breakup, Virgo will be leaving a detailed pros/cons list on the kitchen counter while Scorpio will be blocking you on everything, moving to another city, and pretending you never existed. Their mutual friends will need to pick sides, and nobody wants to.

This couple's Yelp history is a crime scene. Virgo: reading every review before choosing and still being disappointed. Scorpio: ordering something mysterious and judging everything you reveal about yourself. They've been banned from two Olive Gardens.